RTO heaux
A sexier way to schlep
Hi darlings. I’m back, and by back, I mean my opinionated takes and perspectives from a perfect life imperfectly lived are back. Speaking of perfection, my coworkers and I had a lunch conversation about red light masks, which led to a more general chat about beauty. My take, as you might remember, is that I put all beauty enhancement in the same category.
A nose job is a swipe of lipstick, is a face lift, is a wig, is lipo. The moment you bow down to the enhancement gods, you’ve drawn your line in the sand and chosen a side, so just embrace it. Maybe even go all the way.
I also threw tanning into my line-up of enhancements, which made some of my morally-superior-au-natural-white-European coworkers less than thrilled. The Europeans are just as sassy as the Americans, they just don’t say anything. You have to look for it in their facial movements.
The eyebrows and forehead CARRY here, so once you get to know them, you see the shade everywhere. Turns out lying in the sun in Antibes is right up there with getting your wig split and stitched back together with invisible thread, for me anyway.
I told them to try the red light mask in addition to their Botox for a straight quarter at least, and to make their determination at the start of H2. My personal preference is the red light mask because, with consistent use, I have seen improvements. I haven’t gotten Botox in nearly two years because I haven’t found someone I like here, and also haven’t seen a need for it because of said mask.
I’m also the oldest of my coworkers and have some of the best skin in the group, so hoping I’ve established myself as the authority there. After our lunchtime beauty analysis, I put a few of the pro-enhancement coworkers and yours truly into a WhatsApp group called Plasticks, where those of us who aren’t afraid to flag our physical flaws discuss beauty. And THIS, my friends, is the true value of RTO.
Maybe you are lucky and disciplined, and getting back to work after the holidays means going back to your OWN office on your OWN timeline where you work on your OWN creative projects that make you lots of your OWN money. Teach us your ways if this is you.
If you are gainfully employed by someone else (still makes you incredibly lucky and probably somewhat disciplined), you likely have an office to be in with some amount of regularity.
Up until 4 months ago, I was very anti-RTO. The thought of being under fluorescent lights, eight hours a day with strangers was really not the vibe I was seeking. But shockingly, I’m no longer opposed.
Surprise, I am human, which means I enjoy convening, and community and water cooler chats and shared office enemies and corporate shade and getting dressed in stylish work attire. Although this year I’ve committed to a work uniform and am so much happier I did– zero guesswork in the morning.
In any event, my new city is active with a capital A, meaning people are mostly cycling across the city from A to B. Therefore, the fashion really needs to be functional. If you’ve got shit to schlep into an office this year, may I present to you a mini round-up of bags I currently own and/or am eyeing to get me where I gots to go while still being stylish.
Okay, I own this bookbag, and it is the PERFECT bookbag. The black STAYS waitlisted (the color I have naturally), and I understand why. It’s neoprene (chic and waterproof) and is not too big but perfectly fits my laptop, charger, and a folded grocery bag for the few items I will inevitably need to pick up later, with ease. I love the comfort of a bookbag because the weight is balanced on your back and you’re also hands-free, a hard requirement for city transport.
If money was no issue, I could easily see myself carrying this.
This also works great for a back-to-the gym-in-2026 person. I’m trying to figure out how much I like or don’t like the mechanics of a cross-body bag while riding the bike.
And I’m also in search of the perfect bike transport accessory; currently considering rear bags like this or a rear basket. I’m obsessed with this lightweight option, but the site is in Chinese, and I don’t know how much the bags actually cost or how shipping would work out.
If you are the type of person that likes a more traditional “purse/bag” for work (I put totes in this category), then I think this is a winner. A good tote, no matter the shape or size, needs a zipper. For safety reasons, you don’t want accessible gaps in your bag where any person could reach down and grab your items ouf. Those adorable ties look great on totes, but they aren’t very functional I’m afraid. If I had to go that route, I’d choose this.
What do you love about your current work bag? Or maybe you hate it and are on the hunt for a new one. Tell me what you are schlepping your stuff in these days in the comments. I’d love to know. I hope your 2026 is off to a phenomenal start. As always, thank you for being here.
Chow for now!
xC
Brilliant take on the uniformity requirement becoming the hidden upside of RTO. The zipper-only-tote rule is something I learned thehard way after getting pickpocketed on a crowded metro with my gorgeous open-top tote. Function over aesthetics is dunno how to say it but basically the most liberating constraint once you commit to a capsule work wardrobe.